A grief counsellor is highlighting the widespread issue of pet grief and the perceived stigma that surrounds speaking openly about the impact of such a loss
If you are a pet owner (or pet parent as many of us refer to ourselves), you’ll know what it’s like to love an animal unconditionally.
The very thought of something happening to them is enough to bring immediate tears to your eyes and, despite knowing that they will die one day, you resolutely put it out of your mind and pick them up for another cuddle.
Speaking as part of the The Big Paws with Dogs Trust Ireland – a series of memorial walks set up nationwide to highlight the challenges of pet bereavement and the importance of remembering our furry companions – accredited psychotherapist and grief counsellor Beth Fitzpatrick said people often underestimate the depth of emotion that comes with the death of a pet.
She explained: “Many people do not understand the impact losing a pet can have. It’s not just the loss of the pet, it’s the loss of the only unconditional love there is, a loss of connection and a loss of purpose.
“Being a pet guardian is an incredibly rewarding way of life and it’s a huge bereavement to process when they pass. Feelings of shame and blame, leading to anger and resentment can increase if not dealt with.”
Why you must process the loss
When it comes to counselling, Beth is noticing that many people are not initially upfront when they visit her clinic with feelings of depression.
According to Beth, the reasons for anger, depression, addiction, and relationship struggles, are rooted in the experience of death and loss. She says it’s one of the most undiagnosed elements involved in ongoing mental anguish and anxiety and often times can relate to the loss of a pet.
“The life expectancy of a pet is short, and guardians will have to go through the bereavement process so it would benefit everyone to be more open in discussing their experience.”
“There is a stigma around the loss of a pet. Those who are grieving may presume that other people will think they are being silly but it’s so important to try and ignore that, keep talking and don’t be afraid to share how you’re feeling. Sometimes, the loss of a pet can be worse than the loss of a human.”
Here are Beth’s key tips for dealing with the loss of a beloved pet:
- Grieve – it’s a process just like with any death; don’t fight the feelings you are experiencing.
- Share – talk openly about your pet and let people know how you are feeling. This will help with any feelings of guilt.
- Remember – upload a photo and use as your phone screen. Having a visual of your pet helps you to process the grief.
- Pause – take the time to process how you feel and work through the grief before thinking about getting another pet. It doesn’t do any good and it’s not fair to the new pet if you haven’t dealt with the loss of the previous pet.
- Support – if your friend or family member is experiencing the loss of their pet, support them. Spend time with them, listen to how they are feeling and allow them the time to chat about their pet.
On 30 September, Dogs Trust is launching its inaugural memory walk, “The Big Paws with Dogs Trust”, supported by Petstop – a joyous moment of reflection to celebrate our furry friends, past and present. See dogstrust.ie for more details.
