Significantly more mothers than fathers find it challenging to meet societal standards of good parenting
How has parenting changed since I was a child? Am I fulfilling my children’s needs? Does being a parent make me happy? What does it mean to be a parent in Ireland today?
These are questions that have crossed many people’s minds at one point or another – whether you already have children, are thinking about having another one or you’re just about to start a family.
There’s no doubt that parental roles have evolved in the last fifty years and a new specially-commissioned piece of research by ALDI Ireland has delved deep into the issue to look at the overall effect this has had on Irish families in 2024.
The Mammies and Daddies Report is based on a research study of 500 mums and dads of children aged up to 12 to better understand the economic, emotional and societal impact of being a parent.
The issues
Among the key themes covered in the report are:
- how parents perceive their own value and worth
- how they deem the family unit to value them
- how they feel society values their role.
The report also takes a look at where the pressure points currently are for parents, primarily:
- maintaining a work-life balance
- the financial pressures of running a household
- the impact of parenting on both relationships and career
- the emotional stresses and strains that come with daily parenting.
Stark findings
Unsurprisingly, almost two thirds of parents (65%) have felt the financial pinch of parenting, saying their finances having been negatively impacted since becoming a parent.
A starker finding shows that more than four in five parents (82%) are spending less than 10% of their time per week on hobbies and personal pastimes, which demonstrates a recurring theme of parents’ inability to carve out important “me time” for themselves due to their parenting role in the household.
The gender imbalance
The findings of the research study shows that parenting does take a disproportionate toll on mothers – a fact that is recognised by both men and women. Of those that describe themselves as their children’s primary care giver, an overwhelming 84% are female. Of those that said that their partner was the primary child carer, 89% were male. This strongly indicates that in a co-parenting environment, much of the responsibilities sit with mothers.
Health and well-being
Parents are also finding that the time they have for maintaining their physical and mental health has been drastically cut since becoming a parent.
More than half of parents surveyed (55%) said that since becoming a parent their physical health has gotten worse. Strikingly, 63% of these are women, which again points to the disproportionate toll that parenthood takes on mums.
Of all those surveyed, just 15% said their physical health has improved.
Maintaining relationships
As is the case with hobbies and other past times, parents are equally struggling to carve out dedicated time to spend with loved ones. Almost two thirds of parents (63%) say that they are only able to give 10% of their time per week to “alone time” with their partner.
When it comes to maintaining relationships with friends, almost one quarter of parents (24%) say that they have no time to spend with friends, and a further 67% say they spend less than 10% of their time per week socialising with friends.
The financial toll
Almost two-thirds of mums and dads in Ireland (65%) say that becoming a parent has had a negative impact on their finances, with both mums and dads feeling this to more or less the same degree.
Interestingly, however, almost one in six (15%) believe that becoming a parent has improved their household finances – with men feeling this marginally more than women. This may be due to smarter household budgeting or more conscious budgeting to balance the costs of running a household with children.
Societal pressures
More than half of all parents (53%) say that they find it difficult to meet these expectations, which suggests that parents’ own sense of worth and value to society is negatively perceived by themselves.
Notably, more females (61%) than males (42%) find it challenging to meet societal standards of good parenting, which again may reflect higher perceived societal pressures or expectations on mothers.
By the same token, men report feeling a much larger societal pressure to meet career expectations. More than half of men (51%) say they feel this pressure, compared to one in four mums (25%).
Moving forward
Speaking at the launch of the report, parenting columnist and ALDI Mamia and Me podcast host, Jen Hogan said:
“Being a parent should never be about having to sacrifice work over family or relationships, nor should parents feel guilty about finding time for each other and for themselves.
She added that she hoped the report would become a “catalyst for a wider national discussion around the role and challenges of parenting” and a chance to “change the narrative from sacrifice and compromise to value and worth.”
You can read the full ALDI Ireland’s Mammies and Daddies Report here.
