In our new series, we chat to remarkable women who have gone through extreme or unusual life experiences – good, bad, traumatic and life-changing – and ask them to share what they’ve learned in their own words
Feebee Foran, founder of skincare brand Forager, explains the events that led to her decision to get breast reduction surgery and why she wanted to have it done close to home.
For as long as I can remember my boobs have been part of my personality. It’s almost caricature-like territory that comes with a bubbly personality; gregarious, larger than life – big and bouncy.
But this year, I made a decision to have my breasts reduced. This was not a split decision – more like a 10-year mental discussion with myself, and the conflict all related to my personality, my identity and, I suppose, how I’d feel when they weren’t there anymore.
I’m a herbalist and a forager, with a skincare brand called Forager. I spend so much of my time in nature – and in turn, on the ground with my hands in the soil. And when you have HH sized boobs and are hunkered down for a few hours a day, you eventually feel like you are walking on all fours. The weight of my breasts alone were “weighing” on me – not just emotionally – but in the physical sense. I would find myself stretching out my back continuously, struggling to sleep comfortably at night – particularly on my back when my boobs were literally trying to smother me.
But also in terms of exercise. As I moved into my 40’s (I’m 43 now), I found that exercise was becoming harder and harder. To go for a brisk walk, I’d have to strap myself down with three sports bra’s compressing them to me to stop them jiggling and bouncing when I walked.
Unwanted attention
The bouncing alone was a triggering issue stemming back to my school days in PE when for some reason, the big chested girls seemed to get a lot more time on the trampoline than others. And when you are a 15-year-old girl jumping up and down with all of your classmates (I was in a mixed school) lining the trampoline to “spot you”, you start to feel all of those eyes on you with every jump. I eventually started to get my mam to write notes to the teachers as to why I couldn’t participate in PE.
Each week I had a fake twisted ankle, bad period pains, a sore back, anything – I’d beg my mam to just write anything to get me off PE and the feeling of being watched. Be it in my head or not, I felt it and it definitely formed an issue for me with exercising in public as I grew older.
Having big boobs also attracts unwanted attention at times. As a 24-year-old, walking to get the Luas home from work, a man walked up to me and grabbed me by the boobs. Horrifying, I know, but things like this seemed to happen regularly enough that they were just commonplace. I know this kind of thing happens to women of all sizes – but big boobs can definitely be like a beacon for weirdos.
So after 10 years of inner dialogue of how much better quality of life I would experience if they were smaller, the clothes I’d be able to fit into without having to wear a black top under everything in case my boobs spilled out, not having to wear giant ugly 2-man tents for bras, being able to sleep better, not having constant back pain, it was time. I was going to make time. And I was going to do it right.
Planning the surgery
Having lost a friend to sepsis post surgery abroad, I swore I was not going to do it outside of the country. I wanted to be here, to have access to the clinic that did my surgery in the following months, to be able to pick up the phone if I had any worries and to not have to board a plane in pain if something went wrong.
My friend recently had surgery and highly recommended Avoca Clinic in Kilmacanogue. It was a 15-minute drive from my house, so that was an absolute bonus for me – in my head, if something went awry, I only had 15 minutes until I got taken care of. Call it catastrophe planning, but I feel it’s important to know your options.
At my first appointment with Dr Dejan Simicevic, he asked me what size I’d like to be. Now, I’m a realist, so although I’d have liked tiny tits, I knew that due to my frame, my curvy shape, anything less than a D cup would be out of proportion. Dr Dejan agreed and set about taking measurements and photographs to help me visualize my new shape.
Due to work commitments, my surgery was booked for 6 weeks later. The time flew and I went about prepping all the bits I needed for after the surgery – a reading pillow as you have to sleep pretty much upright for a few weeks post surgery, button down PJ’s and shirts so I didn’t have to put anything over my head – lifting your arms is a big no-no for the first few weeks post op. A little reading table from IKEA for my bed so I could work on my laptop comfortably while cosied up with my dog, Sika. And some extra post-surgery bra’s. M&S have a great range of post-op bra’s for lots of different types of surgeries.
On the day of my operation everything went smoothly and calmly – Dr Dejan drew pictures all over me to mark the expert work he was going to do, I was guided to the operation room and with three deep breaths of the gas mask I went night-night. When I woke, it was all done and I had small boobs. Just like that.
The aftermath
The one question everyone asks is “was it very painful?” and honestly, the answer is always no. At no point in this whole process did I feel a pain that trumped the swollen boob pain you feel during your period. In fact, the medication I was sent home with was just paracetamol and antibiotics to keep me safe from infection. Pain is not an issue with this surgery at all – you feel uncomfortable with your movement, you can’t pick up anything heavier than a cup for a few weeks, but pain? Nope.
I went home the following morning and within a week I was back pottering around the house, bringing Sika for walks using a leash that strapped around my waist and constantly stopping in front of the mirror trying to get used to my new shape. My body seemed longer (this was because my boobs used to sit below my rib cage and now they were way up there!).
During the surgery, 2kg was removed from my chest and my nipples were lifted by 7cm. When I compare the pictures side by side now, I can’t believe that I was carrying around that amount of boob everyday – no wonder I always felt tired!
The complications
My healing was going great…until it wasn’t. I started to notice that an area of my right nipple was getting darker and darker and my lovely nurse Siobhan was watching it like a hawk at my weekly dressing changes. However, over one weekend things took a nose dive. The darkness changed to black and I started to get a strange smell from the boob.
I’m not going to lie, seeing part of your boob look like it’s starting to rot is terrifying. You are given all of the warnings, the possible issues and worst case scenarios during your consultations. I knew this was something that could happen – Dr Dejan explained this possibility to me at my very first consultation, it’s how your body works when healing and for some people, the blood can just stop flowing into certain parts of the nipple. Like anyone though, I thought, “it won’t be me”. But it was me. My areola had developed a necrosis and this section was going to have to be removed.
I’ll spare you the gory details of having the necrosis dug out of my boob, along with 40% of my areola in my full senses – it wasn’t painful, as the flesh was dead, but I’ll be honest, I felt sad. I was a big brave girl during the process, but I went home and cried for four hours afterwards (and I’m not a crier). Seeing parts of your body being removed in front of you is definitely something we are not used to seeing and as much as Dr Dejan and the nurses were so gentle with me, so caring and supportive, I suppose my emotions got the better of me.
The recovery
The following weeks involved me going to Avoca every three days or so. The clinic is like a day spa, beautifully decorated, smelling of calming candles and super relaxing – so it wasn’t like visiting a bustling hospital, the ladies knew me by name and it was always a lovely experience, catching up on the chats and getting to know all the team there.
To me, this is why having your surgery done close to home makes a difference. If I’d had the surgery abroad and experienced this complication when I came home, I’d have had to sit in a hospital dressing clinic all day every few days waiting to be seen.
I’m lucky that I work for myself with an amazing team around me, so I could easily take the time from my day and for each visit I was in and out in 20 mins. However, a hospital dressing clinic could take all day and if I was working for an employer, I can’t imagine them being happy with me having to take time out of work every few days.
Within five weeks my wound had healed over. I followed the directions of Dr Dejan and the nurses to the letter and I treated myself with herbal tinctures of Hawthorn and Yarrow to help with blood flow to the area. My nipple is still missing a bit of areola – like a bit of the jigsaw got lost under the sofa, but my nipple itself is still intact…and working. I can’t tell you the joy I had when it became erect when it was cold for the first time, “she’s working, she’s working!” – pure joy.
Life post surgery
It’s been a process. It’s been complicated. But would I do it again? Yes.
The following day after the operation the back pain had completely dissipated, gone! That alone is gold to me, but to be able to fit into clothes that I could never wear before and to see myself on the TV and not have to roll my eyes thinking “I look like a walking head and giant boobs” – yes, it’s absolutely worth it.
But please, let this be my word of advice to anyone who is thinking about any kind of surgery – you may pay more to have it done in Ireland, but believe me, that money is well spent and you only realise that when things go wrong.
Follow Feebee @forager.ie on Instagram.
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