Gillian Scahill wanted to be a mother more than anything but she could never have predicted what would happen to her immediately after giving birth
In 1986, just three weeks before my 11th birthday, my youngest brother, Patrick, was born. He was without a doubt the most beautiful baby I had ever seen, and in that moment, I realised one of the most wondrous aspects of being human: the boundless love and joy a newborn brings.
Two decades later, my husband Enda and I hoped to start our own family, ready to embrace the challenges and triumphs of parenthood. Being a devoted older sister was one thing, but bringing a new life into the world would end up being an entirely different, awe-inspiring journey.
After a couple of years of trying to conceive, I found myself going down a well-worn path of blood tests and check-ups, endless poking and prodding. It was tough going but eventually, we got some answers, and though I would need some minor surgery and fertility support, a pregnancy seemed possible. I was only in my early thirties. Time was on my side.
In late 2008, a positive pregnancy test brought hope, but a heartbreaking miscarriage followed soon after. It was devastating. Yet, in the depths of that loss, we knew it was still progress. It just wasn’t meant to be and a few months later in April 2009, we had another positive test. This time, a calm certainty settled over me. Something deep inside told me this pregnancy would be different. But it wasn’t till I got through the first trimester, that I finally allowed myself to truly believe: I was having a baby!
I did everything I could to ensure I had a super pregnancy including a very clean diet and lots of yoga! I decided to forego any travel plans abroad, so as to be at home near my doctors and just to remove any unnecessary stressors from my life. I truly was in the best health, super excited and at 34, I felt so ready for this baby. He very promptly arrived on his due date, December 22nd 2009 and after three days in hospital, we would get to bring our baby home. A Christmas gift that was never going to be surpassed. We named our beautiful baby, Matthew.
The delivery was quick and straightforward, and I was overjoyed. Holding my newborn, I could hardly believe we were finally a family of three and at Christmas – nothing could be better.
A traumatic Christmas
Enda brought us both home on Christmas day as planned. I had not been feeling well for a couple of days while in hospital but I was reassured that the symptoms I was experiencing were typical of the post-delivery period and nothing to be worried about. The advice was simple: get home, into my own bed, rest and allow my body time to recover. I had barely slept since Matthews’ arrival, so this did seem to make a lot of sense.
However, the short journey home was unbearable. I felt pain in my body over every bump in the road. Enda had managed to put together some lovely Christmas dinner but I was unable to eat anything. I was exhausted and I decided I would get into bed and try to sleep and he could bring Matthew into me when he needed a feed. But, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t get comfortable and within a few hours, my condition deteriorated further. I began experiencing excruciating abdominal pain and was unable to walk.
Alarm bells were now ringing, and in the early hours of St Stephen’s Day, Enda contacted a friend of ours who was also a doctor. When Enda described my symptoms, he urged him to delay no further and call an ambulance. Within a short time it arrived and I remember two lovely male paramedics reassuring me as they carried me down two flights of stairs. Once in the ambulance, they kept mentioning ‘tachycardia’ which meant my heart rate was elevated. I was rushed back to the hospital, where I had been discharged from just 12 hours earlier and re-admitted to the maternity ward.
I was distraught. Why wouldn’t I be? I had just left Matthew who I was breastfeeding at home with Enda on his own on Christmas night with zero experience of being with a newborn. Thankfully, there were a few pre-made formula bottles at home. I would find out a few weeks later how unbelievably terrifying that night was for poor Enda. There would be no more breastfeeding for Matthew.
My memories of that night in the hospital are hazy, but I do remember being in severe pain, crying a lot and being examined by a doctor. Any pressure on my abdomen was unbearable. I was reassured that I would be okay and encouraged to sleep. But my condition continued to deteriorate.

Fighting for life
By the afternoon of December 26th, my parents arrived to find that I was being transferred from the maternity ward to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). I had gone into renal failure. Enda arrived soon after, with our four-day-old Matthew in tow, only to be told that my condition was critical. He was brought straight into ICU to say goodbye to me as he was told – “We are losing her”. And it did come dangerously close.
Over the next few days, I continued to be in a critical but stable condition. A diagnosis of severe sepsis and multi organ failure due to a Strep A infection was confirmed. I was on a ventilator and in an induced coma. I was fighting for my life.
What had happened to me and how it had happened were questions for another day.
My heartbroken family kept vigil at my bedside, comforting each other as I fought for my life. Meanwhile, my beautiful Matthew, though healthy, was admitted to the pediatric unit for observation. Articles of my clothing were placed in his cot and his babygrows were placed on my chest to remind us both that we were close by. He remained in hospital for five weeks.
I was brought out of my coma on Day 10. I was terribly ill, in severe discomfort due to being intubated and had no idea where I was, or what had happened. I was convinced something had happened to Matthew but my mum kept telling me, “It’s okay Gill, he is fine. You will see him soon.”
I spent several more days in ICU undergoing dialysis, followed by time in the High Dependency Unit (HDU) before eventually being transferred back to a ward. The medical team in the ICU facilitated a visit with Matthew, such was the level of my distress, which I will be eternally grateful for. However, one night in the HDU, I still managed to pull out lines in an attempt to get out of the bed and go find my baby.
The aftermath and recovery process
Though my survival was deemed miraculous, I was left with extensive injuries, particularly to my feet, which had sustained significant damage. I would end up having both baby toes amputated. I could not walk, but I was alive. My rehabilitation journey would be full of challenges and uncertainties and even though my long term prognosis in relation to my mobility was poor, I would never give up and defy all the odds.
After about 100 days in hospital, I was finally discharged in April 2010. I had undergone several skin grafting procedures to my feet, and further orthopaedic surgeries would follow later that year, in 2012, and again in 2013. I spent much of that first year in a wheelchair, slowly regaining my mobility with the help of walking aids. As I grew stronger each day, being home with Matthew and Enda was all that mattered to me. I had a little boy who was on the move. So I had to get moving too!
Thanks to the incredible expertise of orthopaedic surgeons and physiotherapists, I finally regained mobility and independence, but it did take about three years before I felt that I was truly on the path to recovery. This included hours every week in the pool, the gym and going for physiotherapy, consultant appointments, other therapies and yoga. I have been left with a lifelong disability (no mountain climbing or skiing trips for me!) plenty of scars to tell the story, but I discovered an indomitable spirit, mostly fuelled by an intense love for Matthew and a desire to be able to look after him. He is the reason I’m still here. Now I live a full, independent, mobile life.
The focus of my recovery wasn’t just physical. The psychological toll of my illness weighed heavily, especially the pain of being separated from Matthew during those early months of his life. However, in time with a lot of support, I found solace in the teachings of Eckhart Tolle and Dr. Shefali, which provided spiritual comfort and perspective. I came to see that this experience was just a part of my life journey, and that despite the hardship, I had survived a deadly life threatening illness, I was still here, and still able to be a mum and live a beautiful life.
My life today
Our little family has come a long way! I can confirm in 2025, we are all happy and healthy and I feel extremely grateful everyday to be here and to have in my life an extraordinary young man who calls me mum and gives the best hugs. Enda and I celebrated 20 years of marriage last year! I love you, Enda. Thank you for taking care of us both so well.
In 2022, I trained and became a certified Conscious Parenting Coach with the world renowned parenting expert, Dr Shefali. Not only has her work helped me really understand myself and deepened my relationship with both Matthew and Enda, it has also given my life new meaning and purpose. I now get to support and help other lovely mums on their unique parenting journeys. I am passionate about this work and I am looking forward to seeing where this new chapter takes me all while cherishing the present moment—because, as we should never forget, it’s all we ever have.
Follow Gillian on Instagram here and her husband Enda’s music account here.
Below are the HSE guidelines around the condition of sepsis:
Sepsis is a life-threatening complication of an infection but most cases lead to a full recovery if identified and treated quickly. Without quick treatment, sepsis can lead to multiple organ failure and death. Call 999 or 112, or go to the Emergency Department if you or someone you look after have any of these signs of sepsis:
- Acting confused, slurring their speech, not making sense or not their usual self
- Difficulty breathing, breathlessness or breathing very fast
- Feel pounding in their chest
- Their hands or feet feel cold, clammy and pale
- Feeling dizzy, faint or loses consciousness (passes out)
- Not peeing as much as normal – for example, not peeing for a day
- A rash that does not fade when you roll a glass over it, in the same way you check for meningitis
- Severe muscle pain, severe leg pain or difficulty standing
- Are extremely unwell or feel like there’s something seriously wrong
- Are taking antibiotics for an infection and are not getting any better
Even if you have just one symptom, get urgent medical help and remember to always ask the medical staff, “Could this be sepsis?”
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