Inside every issue of Irish Country Magazine, Muireann O’Connell shares witty, sharp and real commentary on the topics that intrigue her – from moving house to decision fatigue. Here, she shares why she’s ditching the word ‘elderly’
A few years ago, my sister referred to my parents as ‘elderly’ in the family WhatsApp group and it was the moment we’d all been waiting for. The golden girl who lived on the other side of the world, and could thus never be criticised in case she didn’t come home again, got an earful from my mother.
By earful, I mean she got a lowercase “horrible” in response. It wasn’t quite the parental smackdown that those of us who have stayed in Ireland would be subjected to. The Australian sister is the Favourite Child and her manual didn’t come with how to deal with criticism. There was a risk she would malfunction, so a swift follow-up “X” was texted so she knew that she was still better than the rest of us.
Up until that point, when I thought of the word elderly, I probably had a picture of Charlie’s grandparents in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The grey hair, the not getting out of bed for years, the infirmity. It all screamed ‘elderly’ but through my adult eyes there was definitely something else going on. Four people sharing a bed and flaunting it in front of your grandchild? This is the opposite of elderly. It is a partner swap so progressive it makes RuPaul fans look like conservative prudes.
When I spoke to my mother about the word elderly and all its connotations, she had a lot to say. It was something that had been discussed many times with her bridge club buddies. They abhor the word. It makes them feel as though they’re of no value and that their health, joie de vivre and continued coffin dodging is an affront to society. Many of my mother’s group only retired in their mid- 70s. Some are the only reason their children can continue to work to pay for their mortgage because they provide essential childminding services. Honestly, my mother gets more done between 8am and 12pm than I get done in a week.
Reality when you get older is a harsh one. Since my father died in 2021, I feel like I’m at a funeral every week as another of my parents’ friends leaves us. If I’m finding it difficult, I can only imagine what it’s like as you watch your group of friends dwindle before your eyes and the walk around the graveyard takes a lot longer than it used to. It’s heart-breaking one step removed; no mind actually going through it.
My mother and her friends are not denying this reality, they know that they are old, older, senior. Whatever word you’re having yourself. Mum doesn’t want to be on Tinder, doing Shein hauls and buying 57 eyeshadow palettes with exactly the same colours that all do the same thing. She is well aware that she is an older woman. She wants to play bridge, buy copious amounts of fat-balls for her back garden starlings who thank her by defecating all over her sheets and watch every single episode of The Chase 75 times, getting all the answers miraculously correct whilst swearing to God that she’s never seen the episode before.
As you age you slow down, and it’s just kicking in for me. I’ve been operating on no sleep for 40 years. I’m still not getting any sleep, but now I’m wrecked. I find myself saying out loud to absolutely no one, “I’m bloody wrecked”, and if there’s someone my age or older around, off we go talking about sleep aids for half the day. I’m halfway ready to copy Post Malone and get “always tired” tattooed under my eyes. We’re all ageing but just because people get older that does not make them redundant.
So, who are all of these elderly people? I’m sure you see them in the wild all the time and can spot one a mile off. They look frail, a bit fragile, can’t get around that well, probably have a bit of a stoop. Does that describe 65-year-olds to you?
You can’t get the pension until 66 but according to numerous age metrics and clinical practice guidelines, you’re considered elderly at 65. My eyes did a Looney Tunes-type pop out of my head the more Googling I did. Some people who will be considered elderly this year include Tilda Swinton, Hugh Grant, Bono, Linford Christie and Kristin Scott Thomas. OK – if that’s the club I’d be happy to join.
We are living decades longer than we were just 100 years ago, and the word elderly seems a bit outdated and downright offensive to the people to whom it refers. My mother’s preference is for ‘senior’ but she’ll take an ‘older’ no hassle. She’s not about to mount a horse and scream “ageism” like she’s Mel Gibson in Braveheart if she’s referred to as elderly, but she might send a text saying it’s horrible.
