If you’re planning to say a few words on your big day, here are a few pointers to make it a truly memorable moment
You’ve set the date, found the venue of your dreams and picked out your wedding dress. But will you be making a speech?
If you decide that you are up for taking the mic and delivering a potentially viral speech that will leave everyone crying tears of laughter and joy, you’re not alone.
Research shows that more and more women are making speeches on their wedding day, with a recent survey carried out by wedding planning resource Guides For Brides showing a third of women want to speak on their big day.
Speechwriter Heidi Ellert-McDermott has the following advice and tips for brides looking to pen a memorable tribute:
Have your say
“The traditional way of speeches at weddings doesn’t quite reflect the modern world we’re now in and it does make sense for the bride to give her own speech. From a bride’s point of view, you may feel that you don’t want people speaking on your behalf when you can say what you want instead.
“From a guest’s point of view, the bride is the centre of the wedding, whether it’s a same-sex or heterosexual wedding. People are changing their minds about speeches, weddings are becoming more personal and bespoke – and women are wanting to have their say. A good speech should give you rom-com vibes, you’ll get goosebumps and well up a bit.”
Make it personal
“People often think their speech needs to be a long list of ‘thank-yous’ and that can distract them from the real purpose of a wedding speech. It just makes it super tedious and it isn’t necessary. There needs to be a sense of journey. It needs to give a sense of why you’re getting married.
“Another thing is avoiding the cliches. A groom might describe their bride as someone who has made them a better person – it’s just wedding waffle and has no personality about it. They could be writing about anyone. You want them to talk about who they actually are instead of keeping it vague without any character. Even when thanking your in-laws, say something like, “Thank you for your amazing Yorkshire puddings” instead of “Thank you for welcoming me into the family”. It’s important to have fun with it and not take it overly seriously.”
Take your time
“Some people come to us with over a year to go until their wedding, which is a bit too far in advance – and some will come the week before. A lot of people leave it until the last minute. Finding inspiration rarely happens until the moment you sit down with a pen and paper and actually start thinking about what you want to say.
“I would say you should be starting to think about it two months before. Once you start getting ideas down, and you remove yourself from that, you’ll find that more ideas will come to you and pop into your head subconsciously without thinking about it.”
Practice makes perfect
“Give yourself some time to relax into it and rehearse the speech too. As well as writing a good speech, you need to think about how you’re going to deliver it. Rehearsing it so you’re comfortable with what you’re going to say will only make things easier. It will make it more fluent and while we advise you to have some notes with you on the day, you should be able to recite it perfectly.”
Tell the real love story
“I would say to include a bit of a story and open the speech up with that. It grips everyone in the room and it’s just nice to listen to. Set the scene. You don’t need to say that it’s unusual for a bride to be making the speech. The days of that are gone. Have some humour in there as well as the sentimental parts.
“Don’t use Google to help you with the jokes or gags. It’s a big no. It just won’t work and it will feel forced for everyone there. Find the truth and the humour in your everyday relationship. You don’t need to talk about the proposal, maybe talk about when you first met and what first attracted you to each other. And the reality of living with them today. But don’t be afraid to be a bit gushy, show them what it’s like for you.”
Keep it under 10 minutes
“Every speech should be around nine minutes long, including all the laughter and interruptions you may get on the day. Another idea is to do a joint speech, which is becoming more popular, and that can be up to 10 minutes. But eight minutes usually comes to about 1000 words long. Another thing is that if you are having lots of speeches on the day, have a think about how to schedule them, so it isn’t too many one after the other. Space them out so every speech has its time to shine.”
Avoid anything generic
“Basically, avoid anything generic. You don’t want it to sound like you could be speaking about anyone. A really big one is to avoid reading your speech from your phone. I know it’s modern, and we use our phones for everything, but it just looks lazy and disconnected on the day. I think people are programmed to resent people being on the phones during a wedding. It gives a sense of distance between them and everyone there. Keep it old-school by having paper in front of you or some cards.”
Smile and be in the moment
“A really simple tip is to remember to smile. So many people forget to smile and it can really make a difference between a bad speech and a good speech. They lose themselves in their notes and they’re concentrating on getting everything out. But if you smile while speaking, everyone else will smile with you.
“You want people to enjoy it and laugh, so it can be scary. But I would say to rehearse it as much as you can but also reframe your brain a bit. Believe you’re the expert and believe that people want to hear what you have to say. You’re just telling them a story and it will be over before you know it, so enjoy the moment.”
Check out the Mar|Apr issue of Irish Country Magazine, with cover star Katja Mia, for lots more wedding advice, fashion and hen party inspiration – in shops now
